
Starting a blog both excites me and scares me a little. I love writing, but there are still remnants within me that are resistant to change. And that’s okay. The expansion I’m feeling is real! And this is part of it. I am opening myself more and more, the feminine way. I am being more receptive and trusting. I am blossoming… And it feels out of this world!
Welcome beautiful, wise woman. Welcome to the She.Wolf circle. You are right where you need to be and I celebrate you for taking this leap of faith. This giant step towards consciousness and deep fulfillment.
What I want to share with you in this first ever blogpost is this: expansion, and the delicious feelings it comes with, isn't for free. What I mean by this is that it takes courage, work, dedication, commitment and intelligence to start on this journey. Because that’s what it is: a journey. It comes with all the feels. The dark, the light and everything in between.
This is how it all started for me.
When I was 28 I moved back from Indonesia where I wrote magazine articles, 5* villa, spa and food reviews, website texts… I had visited the most luxurious places, met extraordinary people and lived on one of the most beautiful islands in the world. Yet, I wasn’t happy…
I wasn’t miserable, I even THOUGHT I was happy, but I felt a numbness around my heart. As if I had lost something.
I remember years earlier, when I was in a romantic relationship with a wild Indonesian man, who bubbled like a glass of champagne, I was HAPPY. I was told by a visiting friend that I slept with a smile around my lips and the softest expression on my face. But after an insanely painful breakup that softness disappeared…
It took me a while to realize that the smoothness in my face was replaced by a constant frown, invisible to the world, but noticeable to me. I was wounded, and didn’t allow myself to heal. Instead, I tried to prove to the world, and to myself, that I was doing great. That I was making a life for myself, had it all together, was a great mum, a strong woman, good at everything…
The more I DID, the more I would be wanted, praised, loved…
I went back to school, got two degrees and graduated with honors. I was a great student and tackled the biggest challenges first. Successfully.
But the numbness around my heart remained, and I still didn’t feel joy.
My overcompensating behavior was subconscious of course, and I didn't realize at the time that the 'new' wound triggered an 'old', far deeper one. I had no idea I was looking for something outside of myself to quench my thirst. For something external that would make me happy. For something to fulfill me.
It was becoming problematic.
Then...
Some 4 years ago life hit me with depression and forced me to stop and look at my behavior. I got informed, signed up for a mindfulness course, started eating solely plantbased food, integrated yoga and women practices into my daily life, experimented with breathing, etc.
This changed everything!
A new journey began. One of self-discovery, selflove and healing. One in which I realized that all of what I was looking for externally had been WITHIN me the whole time.
I came home to a place I didn’t know. And gosh, it’s beautiful! The more I connect with ME, the more enchanted I become.
My longing to share my personal journey and help other women connect to their divine beauty emerged.
She.Wolf was born…
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